There comes a time in life when you simply have to face reality. You’re no longer young. Sofa, blanket and the last season of GOT – the perfect plan for the weekend, for every weekend. The rare times when for some reason you go out and you find yourself in a club, your first thought is “when is this place closing?” and you immediately work out ways to just disappear without having to say bye to anyone and attract attention. Oh yes, old age sooner or later comes for everyone, the hardest thing is to accept it!
The clear signs that you’re too old for clubbing
1. Clubbing?! What’s that?! Is it something you eat?!
2. As soon as you walk into the club the first thing you do is to spot the sofas.
You know, at some point you get tired.
3. For sure you never really enjoyed paying for the cloakroom, but with age, you also have to deal with awareness. If you add 6€ to the 3€ you’d spend for the cloakroom, you can buy a cream for your backache.
4. Hangover. If in your twenties you were able to handle it without problems, and after a night out you just needed a few hours of sleep to recover and be as fresh as a rose, now two aren’t enough… Two weeks.
5. Most likely you are sleepy at 22:30. But you’ve been in bed since 22.
6. Are you flirting with me?! Eugh! Go away!
7. If a few years ago you were in the front row screaming and asking for an extra track as soon as the lights turned on, now you hold your breath until everyone’s out. The sound system is off, you can relax.
8. Actually, you don’t wait for everyone to be out. You leave at least 15 minutes before the night is over so you can find a cab and rush back home.
9. There are always too many people in the club, whether it’s 10, 100 or 1000. Patience abandoned you years ago. The elbows in your ribs make you think just of one thing: “my sofa at home was so comfy!!”
10. The queue. You already do too many at the post office, at the doctor’s and at the supermarket. You just can’t stand it.
11. Who stinks. You just can’t stand it. Not that you ever liked it, but going back to the awareness acquired with adulthood, you learn that hygiene is important and this is simply too much for you.
12. You always have to eat before going out. It’s important. If you don’t, you get into the club and you start moaning to go and have some food somewhere. The fatter, the better.
13. You might have some issues when someone treats you as an elder person in your everyday life. But things change when it comes to clubbing. Often you really appreciate having your own space to relax, because of your age.
Even more when you can isolate yourself and be anti-social.
14. Bumping into a herd of super excited kids you think: “why is just one Bacardi Breezer enough to make me dizzy?”
15. You’re almost annoyed when you have to dress well to go to your friend’s wedding, clubbing is no exception.
16. If a few winters ago you could go clubbing for the whole night forgetting your jacket at home, now the switch inside/outside the club can be lethal. The minimum touch of air and the cold is guaranteed.
(Cover photo © Marvin Meyer via Unsplash)
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