{"id":17,"date":"2016-02-11T13:11:18","date_gmt":"2016-02-11T13:11:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/xceed.me\/blog\/?p=17"},"modified":"2018-09-28T12:21:20","modified_gmt":"2018-09-28T10:21:20","slug":"lessons-from-a-seasoned-clubber-how-you-can-avoid-ending-up-bored-or-dead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xceed.me\/blog\/en\/lessons-from-a-seasoned-clubber-how-you-can-avoid-ending-up-bored-or-dead\/","title":{"rendered":"The Secrets to a Life of Drinking and Partying Without Regret: Wise Words From a Seasoned Expert"},"content":{"rendered":"

There is a wrong way and a right way to do things. Especially when music, people, heightened emotions, alcohol and drugs are involved. <\/span><\/p>\n

After clubbing for over 5 years, I\u2019ve discovered a handful of methods to enjoy nightlife more without my body and mind not being able to keep up with a larger than life lifestyle. I\u2019ve reached such a point of no return to a former mundane 9-5 lifestyle that today I currently look exactly like this.<\/p>\n

\"Red_dragon\"<\/p>\n

Artist depiction may be slightly exaggerated <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

The following is a few gems of wisdom collected by an advanced clubber who learned from the fuckups of their amateur ways.<\/span><\/p>\n

Drunk Texting.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now that the world knows the NSA is monitoring every message sent globally, there\u2019s no doubt all the drunk text messages we\u2019ve sent aren\u2019t all saved in a folder that\u2019s at least a trillion gigs in size and exponentially growing. But is this really a bad thing? Science doesn\u2019t think so, according to Bruce Bartholow, psychology professor at the University of Missouri, Columbia, says it\u2019s not that drinking alcohol to excess makes you unaware of what you\u2019re doing\u2014it\u2019s just that it makes you not give a fuck<\/a> about any repercussions.<\/p>\n

Letting the stigma of drunk texting limit us.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

So in other words, the more you drunk text, the braver and more courageous we all are at facing the darkest corners of our lives; admitting true feelings about friends, exes, family, hell, even our parole officers. I used to only drunk text maybe 1-2 people a month, but now that I know <\/span>not <\/span><\/i>drunk texting is cowardly, you\u2019ll be receiving 3 am texts from me on a daily basis. I\u2019ll even go into my phone settings to turn on the keyboard clicking sound effect so everyone around me knows my bravery levels are about to skyrocket!<\/span><\/p>\n

Freeing the inner warrior\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s my song!\u201d No, EVERY Song is Your Song.<\/p>\n

Music is the judge, jury and executioner of good vibes electrifying everyone\u2019s body and mind throughout the night. But going into the club with preconceived notions of what is \u201cgood\u201d and \u201cbad\u201d music to get lost in can limit your chances of experiencing a constant flowing endorphin powered ecstasy. Oh, and also tainting the actual ecstasy you took 5 minutes ago while you hoped a liquid dubstep track was next.<\/span><\/p>\n

https:\/\/xceed.me\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/giphy1.mp4<\/a><\/video><\/div>\n

Waiting for a song you like, aka anything that is liquid dubstep<\/em>
\n<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Your favourite dance tracklist should look a little something like this:<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Alpha\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

You know why? That image contains the entire alphabet. Which means it has the ability to spell every song ever played in the club, which is all <\/span>your<\/span><\/i> songs from now on.<\/span><\/p>\n

After learning this you\u2019ll enjoy every tempo and rhythm choice the DJ makes. More importantly, you won\u2019t run the risk of bothering the DJ by requesting songs that totally ignore the fact that everybody didn\u2019t show up to listen to your Bryan Adams drill and bass remix playlist.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Giphy2\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Fuck The Cover Charge.<\/strong><\/p>\n

How many times have you not gone into a venue just because you didn\u2019t want to pay the petty cover charge? This is more than just being cheap, it\u2019s an unnecessary attitude that robs you from experiencing events you would rather be in than some \u201cfree before 10 pm\u201d event. <\/span>You want a free experience that leaves you stickier and smelling foreign? Go get free cologne samples from the perfume section in malls, that\u2019s the same impression people get when you boast stories about getting into lame auto syncing David Guetta ear infection playlists that practically feel like everyone is experiencing a bukake of lazy DJing. <\/span>Cover charge is $15? Throw the bouncer a $20.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"RAIN\"<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t Let Your Pride And Balls Feel Bitch Slapped When You\u2019re Shot Down.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Knowing boundaries and being aware of negative body language from potential mates when flirting is important. But clubbers in their 1st, 3rd and even 6th year of chasing bulges or tail isn\u2019t exactly a hot topic among socially retarded people. At some point in your travels while club hopping, you should pledge a promise to yourself that you won\u2019t end up being obnoxious or annoying to people you want to take home and \u201cplay chess with\u201d nah mean? Don\u2019t be a shark. <\/span><\/p>\n

https:\/\/xceed.me\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Giphy4.webm<\/a><\/video><\/div>\n

Women avoiding fuckboys in the club.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Learning To Tolerate Waiting In Line<\/strong>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here is proof that clubbing can teach life values. Your future children can benefit from wisdom you share from your experiences, specifically coming from the agony and despair that you feel when waiting in line cause the bouncer is a human turtle. Don\u2019t believe me? Here\u2019s the most famous moment of all time about being refused to go in anywhere, and when closely examined, you realize it was actually about waiting in long lines. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou cannot pass,” he said. The orcs stood still, and a dead silence fell. “I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Ud\u00fbn. Go back to the Shadow! You cannot pass.\u201d \u2015 <\/span><\/i>J.R.R. Tolkien<\/span><\/i><\/a>, <\/span><\/i>The Fellowship of the Ring<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/p>\n

Leave it to the author of The Lord of The Rings, the longest story about walking and waiting for friends to help you, to accurately compare the feeling of waiting in line like it\u2019s the seventh circle of hell. \u201cThe Secret Fire?\u201d That clearly sounds like a new club opening soon. In this example, the orcs are you and your buddies, and who\u2019s the bouncer? Well of course it\u2019s that bastard Gandalf. How many times has a bouncer shut you and your friends down with these words?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\"GDALF\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Especially when you decided you don\u2019t need to bring anybody to meet new people. But waiting alone in line can feel even longer as you watch everyone around you pace back and forth like their minds were raped by the ghost of impatience.<\/p>\n

Or just download <\/span>Xceed<\/span><\/a>, an app that spits on waiting times by providing a service that lets you skip lines altogether with optional bottled service. You can even buy tickets outside the club when you arrive, so when your group finally decides on a venue, you can all ditch the non-Xceed peasants rotting on the sidewalk.<\/span><\/p>\n

Drink More Water (So You Can Consume More Alcohol And Drugs)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Alcohol is a diuretic, meaning it makes you pee more, which leads to dehydration as the major cause of hangovers and feeling sick. Which is why water is your best friend. After years of believing drinking water is a no-no for fear of less space for alcohol, knowing this tip will actually allow you to function properly for longer periods of time while getting caked out of your mind. <\/span><\/p>\n

Partying More = The Middle Finger To A Boring Life.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Growing tired of partying isn\u2019t because you partied too hard, or developing erectile dysfunction for having fun. Like everything else, having the right tools to do things smart will lead to bigger gains and returns. <\/span><\/p>\n

More drunk texting<\/span><\/p>\n

More dancing<\/span><\/p>\n

More mingling<\/span><\/p>\n

More alcohol<\/span><\/p>\n

More drugs<\/span><\/p>\n

Less lines<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Less ego-tripping<\/span><\/p>\n

=<\/span><\/p>\n

A life filled with real fulfilment and less time spent on Instagram accounts dedicated to posting generic motivational quotes about waking up at 5 am to kiss fresh grass in a forest. Many people at the end of their days feel sorry and regretful for not doing enough, who knew eating kale wasn\u2019t the solution for everything? Follow these guidelines and one day you\u2019ll earn the right to send a special letter to everything in life that tried to stop you from partying more. <\/span><\/p>\n

Once you know the basics, you\u2019ll be able to handle anything those strobe lights throw at you. Go out there and make your future children proud.<\/span><\/p>\n

https:\/\/xceed.me\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Giphy7.webm<\/a><\/video><\/div>\n

You at the age of 80 receiving the \u201cClubber of a Lifetime\u201d achievement award.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Don’t be that guy, that guy that hides in the shadows, that guy that gets to work on time everyday. Be the guy that can look back on life with full satisfaction and fulfilment.<\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n
https:\/\/xceed.me\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/giphy1.mp4<\/a><\/video><\/div><\/div>

Podcast: Play in new window<\/a> | Download<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"There is a wrong way and a right way to do things. 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